Whether or not Ted is attractive has never been questioned. He is simply a force of nature, exuding strength with every movement. Ted barrels. He rushes forward sending power before him like waves before the bow of a ship. Is he handsome? Probably not.Ted is my friend and hero. He is seven years older than I am, a fact that both of us constantly notice. The reason to give such attention to the difference: humor. When I first met him I was an eighteen year-old freshman and he was a twenty-five year-old senior with two years of schooling left. His favorite game to play was "Where Was Audrey When..." The challenger blew up? He was in second grade. I was almost one. Yes, yes, laugh it up schmuck. He loves to piss me off.
I met Ted because I liked to flirt with his roommate, Jon. Anyone have a knife? There's some sexual tension in here that I'd like to cut. That is, I flirted until Kevin came on the scene. Kevin lasted a long time and ended twice. I was shattered both times, and Ted came along, picked up the pieces and lovingly restored them. I have in my mind the image of him putting a band-aid on a wound that's not bleeding and then kissing it better. The times when I had my heart broken were the only times when he handled me with kid gloves. Even then, everybody has to deal with family. Get over it.
If I was just being whiney or petulant, Ted would tell me so. He told everyone so. My roommates, including one of the ones who fell in love with him, thought he was a jerk, though she developed that sentiment later on. I? I knew he was a jerk, and loved him better for it. He broke down all my pretentions and could call me on my crap. Vice versa I learned to lose my awe of him and tell him when he was being a jerk. Just because you've lived longer than I, Theodore, doesn't mean you know JACK about me. We get along famously. Why? Because I can always believe what he says. When Kevin left and Ted told me, it's not you it's him, I believed him, where I had shunned those words from my sycophantic roommates. I believed it because Ted would have told me if it were me.
I trust Ted in other ways too. I trust him to take care of me, if I need it, and to cut me loose when I'm being afraid to live life. He's like a father in that respect. He listens to me babble about books, movies, friends, sisters, boys. He's like a girlfriend in that respect. What he is, I am not sure. He's just Ted.
People question our relationship, but there is no need. He is in love with my old roommate who is serving in Paris. I'm sure that he knows the exact number of days until she is home again. It is somewhere near a year. He just got so used to coming to our apartment that even when she moved home six months before the mission he came over whenever he was bored. He's lost without Paula. He lives in those months when they were together a year ago. He gets grouchy when her letters are late, and sentimental when April plays that song that she used to play on the guitar. Then he'll come and take me hiking.
I got so used to my time with him that when it became interrupted by a boyfriend I rebelled against the traditional boyfriend-should-be-first-priority nonsense. Even while dating K I called Ted my favorite. My face lit up without pretense when he entered the room. I let go of K's hand to run and hug my friend. Then I dated Jon. With J it was worse. He was a rebound for whom I had no feelings. I often felt suffocated. I ran away to spend time with Ted, though one night I missed an outing with him. Stop playing hard to get, Audrey. You're already dating my best friend. End Jon.
When I did break up with J I went to Ted crying. I didn't want Ted to hate me, and that the universal best friends rule? Let me see. Am I horribly crushed and disappointed in you because you didn't fall madly in love with and marry my best friend? It sounds stupid Ted, but yes, that's what I want to know. That's why I am crying and letting you see my tears. I'm not disappointed because you're still you and you could never disappoint me.
He lectured me when I failed classes and waited for my next grade report. I hid it from him for fear of his disappointment. I'm not disappointed, just concerned.
Ted was always concerned about me. His last night here before moving to good ol' CA was spent taking me for shakes. He packed after midnight, after I left. When we said goodbye he took me outside in the dark for privacy. Will you be alright? I'm going to miss you, I said, my voice cracking. He looked at me with compassion and hugged me tightly. Ted believes in hugs. When you hug Ted, it becomes clear why hugs were invented. All his strength and support and goofy love seep through the embrace straight to your heart. I ran away before I could burst into tears. He made me promise to visit him, and I swore it if he in turn would email me. Unfortunately he is in the mountains without internet, but he drives home to say hello occasionally. I go to visit him in four days. Two nights ago he called after midnight because he was climbing down a mountain and thought he'd like to talk to me. It's those kind of moments I like best, when he seeks me out for no reason, just because.
He doesn't say I love you. I don't say I love you. But I mean it. My friendship with Ted is one I cherish, perhaps because it is so transitory. Paula will come home and they will marry. I will marry too, someone I love better than Ted. And he will be gone. For now, I go to the pine woods of the Sierras to camp on the shore of the lake with him and my sister, and I will email him when I need his trademark there there, there there pat on my head, and he will call me when he is climbing down mountains.
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