guess who's coming to dinner

When Ashley started school winter semester the apartment waited with baited breath to see if UVSC could break her as BYU had done us. Her quirky humor and wild antics were sure to be beaten down by the man and loads of humanities homework. Oh we of little faith. School just gave Ashley fuel. One day she came home with a picture of Karl Marx. What she couldn't do with that!

We found it on our bulletin board with a hand-written speech bubble issuing from his mouth saying, "Ashley has a nice body." On the message board was written "Somebody told me that Karl Marx thinks Ashley is hot." What the-?
That was all well and good, but Karl just kept hanging around. She'd get phone messages and letters from him until we were worried that the relationship might be serious and we were losing our friend. You know how girls are once they get boyfriends. There was a note one day: Karl called. He said that he'll be late picking you up for the prom, but you'll probably make your dinner apointment.

I had to retort. Tell Marx to STOP calling. Stalkers are not appreciated.

So Ashley moved on. To Lawrence. They started by working on homework together, a bibliography. And I quote: So when it says 'last name comma first name' does that mean the author? !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ashley, your tact is unbelievable. You say, 'yeah' like you too weren't quite certain. In my mind I am thinking, "No they mean your name, over and over, down the entire bibliography because your professor wants to be sure you were the reader. Who's name do you think?!"

Lawrence didn't last long. Ashley discovered his lack of brains. He doesn't even know what a mullet is!

Next came Paul. Ashley hid in her room after he started watching our apartment to see when her parked scooter indicated that she was home.

I had to come to her rescue and bring back the only man she's ever loved. Karl, it's Audrey, we need to talk...