My sisters and I have periodic dinners out, and oftentimes we end up griping about our respective husbands. It's harmless stuff, that we just need to vent about, reassure each other, and recharge ourselves. Like how all moms do about their kids.
Honestly, these dinners often leave me grateful for my husband. He never leaves me alone with the kids for weeks at a time. He never lies, never spends money without consulting me, never loses his temper. He can cook dinner and put the kids to bed. He pulls his weight around the house and as a parent. He is righteous and conscientious.
But I do not feel like he is attentive or affectionate.
My birthday and Mother's Day left me in a bad place. Left our marriage in a bad place. It was already on the waning side, coming down from a really good peak, but that took it from meh to bad. So, it was my turn yesterday to vent the most and need the most comfort and strength. Heather reassured me that we all know what it's like to go through a bad patch. Everyone gets it. And they do, I know.
But some people have really loving marriages.
Kevin and I once had people over for a game night, and one of the men casually reached out and played with his wife's hair while he was talking. That was all. And I felt a ridiculous surge of envy, loneliness, and anger. Emilie posted several years ago on her husband's birthday about how he was the best man she'd ever known, etc. I actually reached out to her to ask if she meant it, as surely not everyone does. "Yes!" she'd replied. "I had no idea that marriage would be this fulfilling!"
They say comparison is the thief of joy, and that envy is its death.
I am envious.
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