I watched Julie reclining in the arms of her boyfriend whispering sweet nothings to him, and I had to wonder...how does she do it? I can't. I do not posses the ability to say all those googly gaggly giggly things to someone in whom I am interested. And pet names, forget it. I can see myself in the middle of a relationship being able to say nonchalantly, "hey hun, could you pass me the butter?" but as for starting it...Well, let's just say I'll never be the one to nickname someone Bry-bear. Am I just bad at a natural part of relationships -that wouldn't surprise me at all- or is it not in my character no matter how natural a relationship feels to me to whisper seductively all the reasons why I think my guy is knight-in-shining-armor-in-a-box?
In search of answers I interrogated Julie and Tarythe. All I got out of it was that I'm screwed up. Thanks Julie for saying, "Well, there are a lot of things you just try to get out of, aren't there?" Ouch. I lost my drive on the research mode and switched to defense mode. I lost time and momentum, and have yet to understand mushy relationships.
There are reasons besides my own psychoanalysis for understanding. The characters in my book cannot all think, act and feel the way I do. I need the perspective of someone uninhibitedly romantic, someone male, and someone completely stoic. I am not any of those things. I am a cynically optimistic romantic realist. Therefore: I don't understand anybody.
Another topic of concern. How does one go about saying "I love you"? Tarythe has dropped the word numerous times. She means it the way I mean it when I talk to Elise. How does one mean it the way Jane Austen writes it? The more I feel for a person, the more I want to pull away. I don't hold any emotion back, but I let the other person think that I have. Maybe I feel more secure that way. Really, however, it means they don't love me and then they back off, leaving me feeling very naked and wounded. To prevent said broken heart, whenever the impulse to take any next step hits me, I inevitably take a step back. I have been in love, but I never voiced it. So, to reiterate, how does one do it the normal way? How does it work? How does one bring oneself to saying those three monumental words?
Get back to me. Because I just don't get it.
1 comment:
I'm still trying to figure that last one out myself.
And if I recall correctly, Newell said it to McKay the night after she had the worst prom date ever.
But my story is not theirs.
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