Same Panic, Different Disco

Life has been a little overwhelming of late. The entirety of November got taken hostage by various illnesses, and after the flu came finals, Christmas preparation, and the insanity that is the holidays.

We're fine. We're all fine here now. How are you?

What I found was that I was able to keep myself pulled together through all the challenges and chaos. I even managed a better-than-perfect score in my class this fall. But once it ended, I suddenly felt swamped by anxiety. It was like agoraphobia but with my time. I suddenly had no structure and all the things I had postponed either since summer or just since the final stretch of the semester suddenly loomed and demanded my attention. 

I froze.

I couldn't even return the overdue library books on my coffee table, because the task felt too overwhelming. I am not one prone to anxiety (depression is more my cuppa) but this crippled me.

It took some mighty praying to get my feet back under me and a plethora of lists to begin grasping all I needed to do. The load actually seemed more manageable when I saw it written out, despite the absurd length. At least it wasn't stuck in my head, running randomly and causing traffic jams with other information. I got it out.

I have tried to organize my time based on importance and urgency. Some choices might seem peculiar at a glance, but I prioritized my tasks based on what would give me the most mental relief. Up first, I took control of my environment. I reorganized the basement after Michelle moved out and vacuumed the hell out of that carpet. Cat hair, gone. Allergies, still present. Feeling unwelcome in my own home, gone.

Each day, I start by reading scriptures alone in my office (well, ok, I start by getting my kids out the door and THEN I retreat upstairs) and making my daily to-do list. Sure, there are the cyclical things that will never go away, like laundry and laundry and laundry. But I have gotten out of the way many one-time things, even finishing all my Christmas shopping to my satisfaction. My list hasn't really gotten shorter, but the anxiety has completely dissipated. 

I even returned the library books.