Depression Threshold

I have a theory that everyone has a "depression threshold" similar to an allergen threshold. We can take so many factors that cause depression before symptoms show or begin to take hold. If we can reduce those factors below our threshold, then we can control our moods. Chemical imbalances are one of those things that will overcome our threshold almost guaranteed, and medication is the way to decrease that factor.

For me, I could not change the source of what ailed me, but I could decrease all the little things that hurt my mood and increase those that helped, to better get my net depressive intake below threshold.

And it's working. I think sometimes I am right at that threshold, and one sad movie will push me over the edge (e.g. Kevin made me stop watching Everybody's Fine, when I began sobbing on his lap). But as long as I am below my threshold, in control of my mood, then I can be in control of my thoughts and actions.

I take special care to get enough sleep. I should take care to get enough water, but I am usually tipped off by grouchiness when I have not done this diligently. I try to stay productive and mentally engaged. I listen to music every day, thanks in large part to Kevin's wonderful Christmas present!

I felt, at first, like I was simply waving something shiny in front of my eyes, constantly distracting myself from dark thoughts of worthlessness and those fearsome monsters that lurked under my bed. I put on blinders and kept focusing with all my might on the shiny thing. If I got tired and dropped my guard, then I felt bombarded by the waiting fears. I wondered if I was practicing avoidance and not actually accomplishing anything productive. But that was at first.

Now, I am not constantly on guard, and I don't have to wave something shiny to keep myself distracted. I have filled my home and life with shiny things, small but pleasant, that genuinely make me happy. And if I come across some trigger that brings on depressive thoughts, I am not drowned in sorrow. I ache still, but I am strong enough to challenge the thoughts that I had to avoid at first.

I am strengthening my emotional muscles using very little weight but constant repetition. I keep it at a level where I can stay in control. And then, when I have those heavier burdens to carry, I believe I will be able to do so a little better for a little longer. And with a little better attitude.