Today was a harder day than others this week. It was not a bad day: there was no extended crying behind the clothes racks. It was just hard. I felt like I had to work, really work, to maintain my usually-natural calm. Fighting off negative thoughts felt like a real battle. I won it, but it required true exertion. I am usually stronger.
I blame my weakness on the fact that I began writing again yesterday for the first time in months. I have avoided it since I began to notice my depression. It is easier to ignore my emotions when I am not using them for creative purposes. But yesterday I exposed myself to my fictional characters, and, though it may have made the work day more difficult, it made my writing more richly rewarding. It is easier to have a meaningful relationship with someone when you don't hold yourself back.
I just hope I can keep up both the creative emotional side and the stoic productive side without letting things come unraveled.
No comments:
Post a Comment