lessons in love

Angry girl music. That's normal. At least it is for girls who have been dumped. But does angry girl music usually include Wicked and Cindi Lauper? It seemed more uplifting than any post-breakup rant that I had experienced. In fact, Emilie insists her boy isn't a jerk. She, being a good person, takes comfort in the fact that his intentions were honorable and that he didn't want to hurt her. I, I take comfort in that eventually. At the time I want to revel in bitter thoughts of him as an evil heartless jerk. I don't want the touchy feely, we'll still be friends approach. I want to blame him, myself and then him again. After I heal then I can be thankful for what I had. But right away I don't want to think about what I learned, and I definitely don't want him asking how I am. She, she loves him for still caring, where I would curse him.

I learned most of my breakup lessons from Kevin. Of course I had three chances to learn them. What did I learn? I learned that I can make my face absolutely blank to completely mask my feelings from my emotional attackers. I learned that I am just as irrational as everyone else despite the fact that I maintain calm. I learned that I would rather be hurt than hurt someone else, but that hurting still feels terrible. I learned that despite the fact that I claim with firmness that I will never agian be hurt in that manner, I will once more put myself in the vulnerable circumstances I claim to despise. I learned that all the lessons we learn from breakups are the wrong ones, and that if it weren't for chocolate shakes and popcorn no one would ever try a second time to fall in love and the species would be doomed. I learned that the lessons worth learning are found during the relationship and not the breakup.